BigFishin on OkCupid

2.11.10

Recently, one of my girlfriends introduced me to the OkCupid phenomenon. After numerous attempts in trying to convince me, she succeeded. Like any other match making service (e.g. eHarmony, and etc.), they bombard you with numerous questions and use your answers to calculate your compatibility with others. In addition, you have to create a profile introducing yourself, and completing an extensive drug test. Ok the last part isn't true, but they might as well with all the questions on my position on drugs. So with an honest attempt, I decided to write the following introduction (self-summary). Here goes....

In search for the ultimate cave woman to hibernate the rest of my life with
Answering millions of questions on drug use
Once again can I just plead the fifth
Locking down nouns and adjectives to paint a superbad profile introduction
I love kids, so do you
Time to get busy with this beautiful process of reproduction
Complicated algorithms used to calculate our 90% compatibility
U and I let's give it a try
It is part of our social responsibility
Installing the OkCupid plugin and app on my awesome iPhone
Wink wink, IceBreak, Favorite Saved, Quiver, IM
Ladies bring it on because I'm in the zone
Because I'm doin.....

Big Fishin
Fish-I-N-G
Big Fishin
Under the sea
I'm doin Big Fishin
Up in OKC


hahahahaha

More to come on my OkCupid journey.....

U.G.L.Y Xmas Sweater Party

12.4.09

Like a cold winter breeze blowing us into 2010
Kenmazing Lam is back flowing on these pages once again
Chang and Miller devising the perfect party to light up this holiday season
The U.G.L.Y Xmas Sweater party is a must attend, that is your reason
Nothing like ridiculous gag gifts for the Dirty White Elephant
Awesome friends, one night, 3 destinations, is heaven sent
How many possible Lotto winners can you have in one night
Leanna chanting "Look at my puppies" was an eye popping sight
The Dirty Clapper was a huge fan favorite to help condone laziness
When it came to the Starbucks Holiday gift box, a heated debate developed between Kenneth and Big Sis
From "You don't drink coffee" to " Now I will"
The realization that the package already expired, Maggie, "What the hell?!"
Engulfing garbage pies and downing plenty of Flat Tire beer
Every bystander glancing at us in admiration as we flaunt our old fogey gear
With untamed curiosity, we all pressed the Red Button in the restroom
Good thing we passed on the suicide pizza, or else our tongues would of gone kabooommmm!
Females love to spoon, but males much rather fork
There's nothing Nikia can't do next year when she moves to Brooklyn, New Yorrrrrrkk!
Unaware of our stroll to our third and final destination
The small British pub introduced Dark Hef as a last attempt to satisfy our insatiable sensation
Jamie's comment of "TOO MUCH HEAD" in one glass appeared like a volcano on verge of eruption
Heidi " The Good Girl Vampire" was on the verge of draining my neck like a vacuum suction
As we say our good-byes to a ridiculous year of two-zero-zero-nine
The whispers of Raunchy Prom Night to rewrite our yearbooks
Is our kick-ass way of welcoming 2010 as another one of a kind!

Merry Dirty Xmas Everyone! XOXO

The Man In The Leopard Jacket

7.31.09

The ideas of Studio 54 at Studio 17 came to light
When our one and only Pasadena resident, Ken-mazing Lam, was officially given the keys to the city on this very night
Sleepless nights brainstorming the perfect outfit to wear
Maggie tinkering back and forth with either the 80s or 70s
Please dear, I love you to death, but make up your mind I swear
Once the powers to be decided on the Disco theme
The Man in the Leopard Jacket was reborn
Determined to dance the street of Colorado Blvd to the beats of Billie Jean
The infamous orange chicken teriyaki made its way to Kitchen Stadium
Jasmine couldn't stop eating the citrus bits of brilliance
She kept on repeating over and over, "I can't stop eating themmmmm"
Chicken Pies from Portos arrived along with Rebecca's plus one
She quickly identified what's missing from Studio 17
A microwave and TV is what you need 'son'
Bubbly champagne was swished in our mouths like Gold Listerine
Potato Vodka with Pomegranate Italian Soda
Became a big hit like James Dean on the silver screen
Tipsy turby in our own little crazy fashion
Off we go to Villa Sorriso
Watch out Pasadena, here comes the Lady Assassin

The entourage of Studio 17 changes venues to the Italian destination
Beats resonating into the air of 91101
The alchemy of lust has bodies dancing in hypnotic vibration
Thirsting for energy the crew turns to the bar upstairs
Cranberry Vodka, Chivas On The Rocks, SoCo & Lime
Friends dancing their asses off like we just don't care
The arrival of Dave and Aileen always brings something special
Like the free gift found inside Cracker Jacks
Open happiness is just as advertised by the new Coke commercial
Engagement like announcements of Dave and I going to Germany next year
Maggie shaking recklessly and endlessly with her gifted derriere
The dynamic duo of Kristy and Kenneth waving our arms like we can reach the sky
The Legendary Mind Eraser is the ultimate 9th inning closer
Singing at the bar to the tunes of "Tonight is going to be a good nighhhh"
I can go on and on with the rest of the Hangover story
However, I don't wanna kiss and tell
Some things are meant to be LIVED on our one night of glory

See u y'all when I get back.

Love, Kenneth

Studio 17

In the United States, July 4th marks the celebrated declaration of independence from Great Britain. On the other hand, July 6th marks MY separation from The Heights (i.e. Rowland and Hacienda). It is on this day I, Kenneth Lam, depart from the mother ship, and become an inhabitant of the beloved City of 91101, Pasadena. It's funny how things can transform from one thing into another in a matter of two weeks. From aggressively looking for a home, to finding a studio rental out of the numerous postings from craigslist. Don't get me wrong, the overall goal of finding a home is still intact like gum stuck on your shoe; however, a needed departure from my comfort zone was long over due. Plus, how can I complain when I'm only 3 miles away from work. Maybe I can run a 10K to and from work...NOT! But you get the picture of how spoiled I am at this point. Elvis has left the building......

1st Week in Studio 17

For those who don't know, I'm an extreme foodie. Love to eat, love to watch other people eat, love to cook, and love to goto the supermarket just to stock up the refrigerator. Like a honeycomb surrounded by bees (don't know why I used this analogy...hehe), I'm constantly surrounded by food. I live and die by one of my rule of thumbs in life, do not starve to death. My first observations of grocery shopping in Pasadena, it's freaking expensive. Since Paseo Colorado is ridiculously a few minutes from my place, I decided to pick up some stuff from Gelson's. Big mistake. With convenience, comes mucho dineros $. To make matters worse, I made two visits...lol. So during the week, I visited Pavilions, Mitsuwa, and 99 Ranch Market comparing prices left and right for things I will use in Kitchen Stadium. When it comes to food, I'm an extreme F.O.B to the tenth power. Even before I arrive to places like Spain and Las Vegas, the first thought that comes to mind is what kind of Asian food will I eat. To display my patriotism, I will support our economy through the Asian markets. It is a sound financial and practical decision. That being said, comes my first two meals in Studio 17:

Farfelle w/ Peas and Anchovies

Ironic, how my first meal is Italian....haha.

Gyudon (Japanese Beef Bowl w/ Rib Eye "Shabu Shabu" Beef)

Let the Japanese invasion begin!

The highlight of the week came when my Simmons Beautyrest Classic "Sunflower" Plush Queen-Sized Mattress Set arrived. No more sleeping on my futon. After I paid a visit to Pho Siam (http://www.phosiam.com/), my body was back to normal. Thank you Thailand (Khob-Kun-Krub)!

Rebecca's Flirty Dirty Burfday

Damn, it's been a long time since I wrote on my blog. I call it the curse of Facebook. I'm definitely going to jot my thoughts again, and it starts now.

This past weekend we all threw Rebecca (aka Big Sis) a burfday party, and here's a break down of the event via my lyrical skillz.

5.29.09: Introduction

Turn up the headphones, follow me babeeee.....follow me babeeee!!!!

Let's dedicate our devotion to Rebecca's resistance against time
Las nueve y media, seis de Junio, it'll be a sin to not follow this rhyme
They sometimes refer her as the Recruiter or the Matchmaker
However, since she never hooked me up with a gurl or a job, she is just my older Sister
Popping to her favorite trance beats all night long
Little hood rats can't even begin to hang because they just don't belong
If you are unfortunate to look straight in her hypnotizing eyes
Watch out little boys, she'll cast a spell that you can't deny
They say she is the 8th Wonder because no one knows her true sexuality
If you don't come equip with creative pick up lines
She'll read you the like a book and challenge your originality
How do we even celebrate the birth of such a iconic voice
Off the corner of 7th and Western, lies our Korean venue of choice
Downing multiple shots of Crown at the Le Cercle Super Club
We end the night with Pho Tai at Pho LA with a place to grub.

6.5.09: Tip-Off

Haha....you didn't think I would enter the weekend unspoken.

Whatcha gonna whatcha gonna do
When Becca and her entourage of 24 invades Le Cercle and is divided into two
On the A-side represents the Dream Team
Da best of the best, you know what I mean
Led by your one and only Superman
Kenneth "Legen.....Wait for it....dary" Lam
Because like LL proclaims, "Don't call it a comeback, cause we been here for years"
We drink and dance with No Freakin Fears
Who dares to be on time and roll within the Circle of Trust
One toast two toast three, a wild celebration to our gurl of the night is a must
Now skip to the B-Side
Troops marching down the dance floor behind the footsteps of Alan Ma
Sophistication and deligation is how this leader lights the night up...Hoorahhhhh!!!
But as the instigator and facilitator, I will tear down the Berlin Wall
Tipsy and drunk, we all sing in unison, "All for one and One for all"
Allow harmony and debauchery to take over our pure minds
Rebecca dancing with a pole is just another great spectacle to find
I leave this moment with one final thought
Drinking and driving, please don't get caught!

6.8.09: The Aftermath

On a Monday afternoon, I drop my final thoughts on Saturday night....

Cleveland Ohio, they are all witnesses to the chosen one
Attention city of 90005, Rebecca and crew will now educate on how to have fun
The magical night begins with all participants showing up on time
Never in the history of party planning can I testify to such a sign
What's worse than getting introduced to our waiter named Rambo
15 sober party goers thirsting for liquid courage for example
The sight of colorful concoctions make our hearts melt
The effect, guys and gals, downing multiple shots of Crown on a converyour belt
Aileen & I kicked it off by performing Mr. Brightside from the confines of our booth
Chug Chug Chug!!! Benjamin Button move over we finally found our fountain of youth
Like a ticking time bomb, Rebecca explodes to the dance floor
Dancing to the beats of Boom Boom Pow, we chant "More More More!!!"
Some experienced the art of getting booked and disappreared for the rest of the night
Others imprinted their footsteps in the dance of fame with no evidence of stage fright
What is worse than feeding our addiction to a-a-a-a-alchohol
An extra bottle of Crown and champagne magically appear, it's a miracle!!!
We end the night, drowning ourselves to the likes of #3, #5, and #7
Pho is the perfect hangover food, I think I died and gone to heaven!

Happy Birthday Gurl!!!

Part II: Mission Accomplished

9 - Chivas On The Rocks (COTR)
3 - Glasses of Beer
3 - Sake Shots
2 - Mind Erasers
2 - Patron Shots
2 - Soco Lime Shots
1 - Yager Shot
1 - Red-Headed Slut
1 - Margarita Frozen Drink
1 - Jackie Moon Costume
1 - Deadly Virus
2 - Weeks of Hibernation

Later...

I survived my own Armageddon and lived another day to share the rest of my story behind the Vegas trip. How did I evolve from Invincible to Vulnerable? Well the last time we spoke, I was on my way to Vegas for Halloween. Driving non-stop up the I-15 to the tunes of my beloved iPhone 3G, we arrived in Sin City at warp speeds (3.5 hrs) following the yellow brick road to MGM. After all the boring stuff was taken care of, we finally SUITed up for HALLOWEEN Wonderland Tricks or Treats @ Jet Nightclub.

The Three Amigos

And how does Vegas welcome its awesome visitors? We get greeted by BOOTY everywhere. YES FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!

Booty Ultimatum

I always wondered why guys go to clubs with the mentality that they are going to score, when in fact nothing will happen if you do not MAN-UP and approach. It is a sad reality when most of us just end up getting buzzed or drunk, and drunk-calling every female on our contact list. Yes I admit I have had those moments also. Like Kelvin has said, "Initiating the conversation is half the battle." Live in the MOMENT and go ALL-IN! (Man I love using CAPS-LOCK)...My two-cents of the day. Now back to my journey....

My adventure began in JET in search for my Semi-Ho. It was like finding a needle in a hay stack, actually not really...its HO-LLOWEEN! There is one in every corner. I activated my sonar beacon attempting to detect an ounce of Ho-ness in this venue. HO......HO......HO...HOHOHOHOHO. I found her! My lucky winner was a Katharine McPhee look-alike, so I began spitting some game "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...I'm a Semi-Pro looking for a Semi-Ho". She threw up her hands with proud and honor, and shouted "I'M A SEMI-HO!". She was the chosen one. I bought her a Yager shot as her reward (I could of saved $$$, but Ivan bought us the rounds). Then I took her hand and gave her the KTL tour around the club, danced like no tomorrow, took a few puffs from her cigarette, and made out with Katharine "I'm A Semi-Ho" McPhee look-alike while exhaling the nicotine back into her mouth. One of my pet peeves is kissing a girl who smokes, but I had to admit that particular moment was HOT! Yes boys and girls smoking is bad for you; therefore, you never inhale, but only exhale...LOL. Everything escalated with good momentum. She even introduced me to her friends. However, that is when I finally ran into a brick wall. She started getting hysterical asking me to look for $300 that she supposedly lost. After making laps around the dance floor in search of her missing treasure (it felt like running a mini-10K), I decided to bail. Maybe, if I stuck around I would of scored. The story of my life. So, I pretended like nothing happened and decided to rejoin Disco-B and Ivan "The Stimulus" Package. And this is what I found:

Kimichi Loving

Ivan Found A Home Buyer

After a night of drinking, Pho is PHOTASTIC!

Pho @ Pho Kim Long

Initially, we decided take it easy on our 2nd night in Vegas. I mean can we really party two nights in a row? Are we equipped both physically and mentally to go back into the battle field? After fully digesting our delicious Korean BBQ meal, the initial thought quickly evaporated into thin air. I guess shots of soju and glasses of beer changes your mind as quick as Usain Bolt. To facilitate our partying ways, we decide to continue our escapades in MGM. This time we all SUITed up in white...HAHA! First stop was TABU. They call it an ultra lounge, but its just another word for mini-club.

Here We Go Again

How many places can you actually: 1) Party 2) Step outside for a bit 3) Win some money @ the tables 4) Go back into the club and party some more = V + E + G + A + S.

Here We Go Again: Take 2

So now the question is how did I contract the deadly virus that would eventually take me out of commission for two weeks? Haha...another day another story. VIA LAS VEGAS!

Part 1: Semi-Pro Looking For A Semi-Ho

After watching "What Happens In Vegas" (starring Ashton Kutcher), I had an epiphany about the last time I actually went to Sin City. It happened last year for my buddy's bachelor party. In LA standards that's a freakin long time. No wonder a certain level of emptiness has created a huge void in my life. Like a drug addict, I needed a quick fix. I need some wrong in my life. No other place does this any better than the 5-letter word, V-E-G-A-S. We use the alphabet game to learn our ABCs. This is what I use to remind me of the sacred place:

V ixens
E rotic Adventures (Sapphires, Deja-Vu...do I need to continue)
G irls Girls Girls (Motely Crue style)
A ll-U-Can Eat/Drink (TI has the best lunch buffet....hello Beef Stew noodles)
S oberphobia (Chivas On The Rocks)

So I answered the WHY, the question is WHEN. Drumroll please....10/31, Halloween! There have been some great combinations in our lifetime:

Adam and Eve, Sugar and Spice, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Jordan and Pippen, Redbull and Vodka

But nothing I MEAN NOTHING beats Vegas and Halloween. Move over Frankenstein, Vegas + Halloween = HO-LLOWEN. ITS ALIVE ITS ALIVE!!! So who is brave enough to venture up the I-15 to a place filled with a smorgasbord of desires and pleasures. Do I see a raise of 3 hands? I will take the passion of SUITING UP as Jackie Moon from Semi-Pro. Bobby will super transform to Disco Bobb-E and dance to the beats of Saturday Night Fever. For Ivan, your going to have to see it to believe it. He has the perfect stimulus package to rescue Vegas...HAHA. I'll post all our costumes in Part 2 of this blog entry. So I hope everyone enjoys their wicked weekend. Trick or treat, give me someone sweet to eat!

Peace!